mostest non productive day ever.
Brownies Ive eaten today: 3 Chips Ive eaten today (serving size 9): 30*ish # of minutes I can wear my new glasses without getting sick : 14 # of crossword puzzles done today: 2 and you WONDER why everyone at my job got laid off. Weird.
be careful when a customer leaves your store. Make sure you WATCH them leave,...
dreamweaver? de-code please.
dreamweaver: malty: dreamweaver: laydown: So Kay - I had a dream about you. You took me to your office job for ‘take your daughter to work day’. It was the very top floor, and had an amazing view of the city. Everyone there was completely silent when working, and everyone had troll dolls on their desks. For lunch - you had to go get everyone sandwiches so I (naturally) went to Urban...
dreamweaver? de-code please.
So Kay - I had a dream about you. You took me to your office job for ‘take your daughter to work day’. It was the very top floor, and had an amazing view of the city. Everyone there was completely silent when working, and everyone had troll dolls on their desks. For lunch - you had to go get everyone sandwiches so I (naturally) went to Urban Outfitters next door. Then I noticed the...
Im still not changing.
Today Im wearing a LONG wool dress, thick tights, and a pashmina scarf. Im cold. But… that outfit, combined with a carpeted workplace = continuously shocking myself into an abnormal heartbeat everytime I touch metal.
where to go ?
me: Where do you want to go before the game to get a beer?
him: It doesnt matter, Obama is president. We are free.
me: what. stop - you just woke up from a nap and you never make sense after a nap...
him: we are free like the eagles.....like the eagles that soar the canyons of America. Free like the clouds atop the Rocky Mountains....free like....
me: STOP. We'll go to "The Game" across from the stadium.
him: I know we will.....we're free.
5 Horrific Serial Killers (Who Are Free Right Now) →
singlescoop: plainoljane: prequario: livesophia: We’re not here to scare you. All we’re saying is that many of the world’s most terrifying serial killers are in fact roaming free, and could be outside your door right now. Due to some legal loopholes and a system that’s surprisingly forgiving of mass murderers, some true monsters have been cranked out onto the street. So the next time you...
me: hi hi hi hi! Talk to me! Im bored.
her: ok ok. Whats up - hows you're day?
me: GREAT! So far, Ive bought vintage 70's bellbottoms and a push up bra on Ebay!
her: *sign out.
NW staple - Peets Coffee. I have one connected to the shoe store I work at, so naturally I end up with one now and again. Today - was the first one Ive had in almost 2 weeks - due to the fact that I am currently the only employee and have been making french press upstairs because I cant leave. Le sigh. SO - PEETS COFFEE IS SO FUCKING STRONG. Accomplished today: re-done my hair 4 times. Up,...
How come I haven’t heard of dashboard confessional until this morning (they’re...– pop E-mail he sent me a 5 am this morning. I really don’t know what to tell him. (via dreamweaver) I got the exact same email from him. WTF? Dad, you dont know of them because you are 61 and still listen to Steely Dan.
more (cock) is better
Willamette Week Women Seeking Men. “Seeking group experience, me with at least 2 men, or 3! Want 3 more ready while the first team rests. Married, husband will be there to help. Him: 5’10, average build, straight. Prefer men of color, taller than me, fit, endowed, silver.” WHAT?
RE: To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE... →
jaredm: Best laugh I’ve had all day. Lesson learned.
Im pretty sure I can make this dress. Untitled - by kswany101 on Polyvore.com
qod: Whats the best advice you ever gave/got? In a pinch, you can use a long piece of hair (from your own head) as Dental Floss.
i can see you now.
me: I ORDERED GLASSES TODAY! Im gonna be so Nerdy and Dirty.
brent: Boys dont make passes at girls who wear glasses.
me: thats why I date men.
me: you have a small penis.
BUILD YOUR OWN BIKE LANE. →
this day sucks too.
White dress + can only eat food inbetween customers = spaghetti sauce all over your face/dress.
her: Can I try this on in a size 6?
me: Sorry, all I have left is a 5 and a 10.
her: Well, I'll just try them.
her: I'll try them on.
me: both the 5 and the 10?
me: YOU'RE A 6.
her: I just want to try them.
me: hmm. ok.
her: these dont fit.
*at this point I almost hit her. With the 10.
white skinny jeans.
yes or no?
Barack Obama's letter to his daughters made my...
theduty: urg: Dear Malia and Sasha, I know that you’ve both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I probably shouldn’t have let you have. But I also know that it hasn’t always been easy for you and Mom, and that as excited as you both are about that new puppy, it doesn’t make up...
the Portland Mercury has a place for everyone.
Girls 4 Boys ad. REALLY HORNY ASS TIT-SLUT I should probably come clean about the whole tit-slut thing. The term “tit slut” is derived from the Anglo-Saxon “tiste sluote” a verb which roughly translates to “to prepare enchiladas”. But they’re really good enchiladas.
i love kisses.
(via dreamweaver) shut up.
I'llll be there.
i. HATE. Michael Mcdonald.
best manager EVER.
me: Hey...hows your day so far?
him: Not Bad. Slow. I made a volleyball sized rubberband ball and Im practicing for tonights game.
me: we're gonna win for sure now.
Bush Nickname Generator →
my name…. was Dollar Menu. not cool.