Safeway brand (or maybe Vons, depending where you’re from) “Woven Wheats” are EXACTLY like Triscuits - but $1.99 instead of $3.00. I just ate a box*. *thats what she said?
6 more months of this?
Potential unisex baby names, derived from many people and many beers and much BBQ 8-16-09 Murdoch Ernest Magillicutty Stryker really.
I JUST FOUND $1 ON THE FLOOR! this is so awesome because it was probably from one of my asshole customers this morning who didnt buy anything! HA!
Its my Friday and I’m working all alone … and Im bored, so what do I do? Cut my hair with dull scissors. I kinda like it - it gives it that “razor” look. Im onto something. Come down to your local Birkenstock Store for a cute shag using glue covered lefty scissors. Chic.
There is mold on my scone, so Im just eating all the chocolate chips around it.
customer holding Birkenstock: Im a size 12
me: ok, I'll go grab you a size 45
customer: I said 12.
me: Yeah, the conversion to the European size is 45
customer: what? I said 12
me: its ok - a 12 American is typically a 45 European
customer: Damnit, why cant everyone be the same? Why do the Chinese have to make things so difficult?
me: yeah, we're out of 12's.....and 45's.
mikebee: The Smiths - Please, Please, Please, Let...
*Girl on train sitting in front of us just called her friend on the phone and said "I dont want to freak you out, but Im about to have a seizure on the train - so keep talking to me on the phone..."
Mike: um...what do we do if she has a seizure?
Me: Well, Eagle Scout - you turn her on her side so she doesnt choke on her puke, and put something in her mouth so she doesnt bite her tongue....then wait it out.
Mike: Oh, so....you DONT grab her wallet and run?
Me: ......you're gonna make such a good dad.
customer: these soles have changed
me: possibly - it depends on how old the style is you have
customer: I got it last year
me: then no, they're the same
customer: no they're not
me: yes they are
customer: no they're not
me: yes, yes they are.
customer: no, they're not.
me: sorry, yes - they are.
customer: no they're not, I would know - I bought them last year.
me: yes, from ME. IVE BEEN HERE FIVE YEARS. They havent changed.
customer: well, that may be true.
customer yelling over his screaming kid: Do you have kids??
me: not yet...
me: uh oh.
I WISH I could post my new license picture. Its straight ‘prostitute mug shot’. My hair hits both sides of the frame…..its way big….and way hooker.
KATIE IF YOU ARE KNOCKED UP I HOPE ITS A REDHEAD
(via malty) If it is….I will chain it to a pipe in the attic.
havent. had. alcohol. in. exactly. one. month.
So, Im going to Montreal in September. RAD. My dad bought me a “guide book” so I can brush up on my french (I will ultimately insult someone or order poop at a restaurant) and so we could research some places to go ahead of time. Theres an amazing park north of the city that houses a 100 person drum-jam on Sunday late-mornings. Followed by……….. A LARP* BATTLE. are...
her: Do you watch MadMen?
me: um, No.
her: WHY! Its the best show out there right now!
me: Im uneasy about the way that red headed woman is shaped. She looks like Jessica Rabbit. She makes me feel like a boy.
Yesterday: mouse poop on the office desk at work, in the fridge, and on the butcher block. Today: dead mouse in set trap next to fridge and pool of blood soaked into carpet. ITS MY FRIDAY!