me: will you please take all that stuff back to the store?
mike: are you POSITIVE you want me to take back the snake-skin shirt your mom gave you for Christmas?
me: are YOU sure you never want to see me in it?
mike: now Im not sure...this is going to be a game time decision.
PAJAMAS + JEANS = PAJAMAJEANS →
Fa la la la la...
"You think graffiti is ugly? Gigantic posters of...
*Oh! Is that it? Then the person who spray painted “poop mouth” on my fence was clearly a prophetic artist. And the Montessori school down the street who’s fences were painted over after all the wood was donated to build, they’re a public canvas. Fuck you.
I hate it hate it hate it...
and if you ever get used to it, you’re a sick sick individual. *seeing your child get shots at the doctor* you’ve never, ever, heard such a piercing cry of pain and it SUCKS because you cant do a damn thing. sure, a rum ball may make YOU feel better afterwards - but she is still clearly in pain.
watching White Christmas
…making black pepper mexican chocolate rum balls. aka ‘Amazeballs’
can someone please
…please explain to me a vegan who smokes cigarettes? For someone who puts such emphasis on the value of life? Im stumped.
*tin full of Dean and DeLuca butter cookies upstairs *BUCKET of voodoo doughnuts downstairs *Burger King chicken sandwiches - buy one get one free? Can you see my ass from space yet?
me: Mike, can I tell you something?
mike: of course..
me: I like to be a little drunk when I watch Celebrity Rehab.
mike: me too honey, me too.
a Liz Lemon moment
sushi lady: are you here for the takeout?
sushi lady: oh ok, all ready - do you want 2 or 3 sets of chopsticks for all of this?
me: oh just o......two. Two. one for me, and one for someone else eating this with me. All of this.
mikes mom: your tree! Its SO FRESH!
me: what? Oh. The Christmas Tree? Yeah - we just got it yesterday.
mikes mom: it has SAP!!!
me: welcome to the Northwest.
oh, the little things.
Mikes mom was in town for 4 days from Iowa - it really was a treat to have her. It allowed us to go to a really lovely dinner last night (@ Cabezon) and we even stopped by a bar on the way home that we saw had the 4th quarter of the game playing on all 5 of their big screens. We ran in - bellied up to the bar, ordered a chilly Ninkasi, yelled at the TV - and scurried home after the win. So...
I am truly totally and utterly fed up with the fact that ALL childrens clothing is so fucking gender specific. I want to buy Stella this winter hat in green, but it says “QUARTERBACK” on the side. And the alternative? Pink hat with “PRINCESS” on it. Really really really really pisses me off. My daughter is not going to be a quarterback, if anything - shes shaped like a...
I send Mike to the Brewfest last night with my last 4 tickets, and he comes home with 6. A trick he learned many many ale festivals ago : KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE GROUND. DRUNKS CANT KEEP TRACK OF TICKETS OR TOKENS. *he found a total of 12 tickets. And a santa beard still in the package.*
Lezzie friend Katy at the brewfest: Man. The short one in the hat is a cutie....
me: isnt she with that other girl?
Katy: who cares. Ok. So, you and I are going to walk by them - and I encourage you to exclaim loudly whatever you feel will help my chances with her.
me: ok. "MY ONLY ISSUE WITH YOU HONEY, IS THAT YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX ALLLLL THE TIME!"
Katy: I love you.
CanwegetourFUCKINGSHITtogetherorwhat!!??? Im beyond, beyond right now. I spent all last fucking season pregnant and sober, so I was looking forward to great things! Not fucking “hot potato” passes (Im talking to you, Armon. The shot clock only has 24 SECONDS - WELCOME TO THE NBA) and 3 point attempts from Andre Miller. Not unless we’re up by….80 points. Calm down -...